Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
