Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
