Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
