took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
