I accidentally had phone sex last night
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
