3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
