Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
