It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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