I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize