You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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