dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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