thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize