cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
