I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
