I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
