The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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