Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
this beer tastes like vomit already
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
tell me about the fingering
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