Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize