Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
