My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
