Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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