Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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