Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I fill condoms, not promises.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
