you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We need to get me chipped asap
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
