wat bout pragnant strippers??
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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