every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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