3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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