Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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