I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
