I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize