yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
