apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
