And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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