I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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