I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
