Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
