how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
