mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
