Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
