He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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