Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
