she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
