yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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