I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
