talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
