Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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