all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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