i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
