I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
