When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize