What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
