Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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