my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize