is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
