when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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