Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
