we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
