Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
