you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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