There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
