This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The maid of honor just puked.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
