We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
