They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
