she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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