i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
