dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize