omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
