idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
