i permit you to call me
Ambien. No doubt about it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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