Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
