Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
