If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize