I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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