what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
