Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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