Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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