When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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