so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
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