I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize