the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
