Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
