Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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