"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
