Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
