The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
