I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
