i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
