i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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