I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
