Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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