Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
