So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
