Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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