I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize