they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
