I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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