I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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