I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
