I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
