Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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