She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
