Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
