No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
