Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just gift wrapped bread.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
